JUST A NOTE THIS IS A LONG WINDED RANT FROM MY HEART THAT REALLY IS
NOT MEANT FOR ANYONE BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD PUT IT OUT THERE SO THAT
MAYBE PEOPLE MIGHT LAUGH AT MY MISFORTUNE OR LOSERNESS AND ALSO TO GET
IT OFF MY CHEST, SO ENJOY IF YOU ACTUALLY CARE TO READ THIS BULLSHIT
eww man sometimes i hate who i am i wish i could be better but im not
haha and it sucks for the first time in my life I’m actually thinking
about asking someone out but i am second guessing myself saying oh your a
piece of shit jobless bum you shouldn’t even ask her out or try to do
anything like that. and in a way that part of me is right, its like what
the fuck do i have to offer her? i have nothing. i have a few grand
saved away for my desperate time that i am in cause no one will call me
for a job interview that is slowly going away within a few months im
gonna be completely broke, so what the fuck gives me the right to go to
this girl and be like hey i like you and have for a while but just
realized it now and was wondering if you would like to go out sometime
soon, whether it be a traditional boring dinner and a movie or maybe
something different like laying on a hilltop with a picnic basket of
dinner or snacks and watch the world pass us by, by looking at the
stars. i would probably be happy just taking a walk in the park getting
to know each other better and if I’m fucking lucky possibly just holding
her hand cause you know what i can be fucking romantic (no clue if that
would be romantic but i thought i would put that cause i have never
been in a relationship in my life well not a real one and so i would
think holding hands is a big step haha i think i would enjoy that more
then having sex is that weird?) but anyways ya i feel like a piece of
shit and i guess I’m just afraid to ask her out? and also if say i did
get the balls to ask her out and we do go out i hope i don’t fucking
ruin her life cause she hasn’t had the best BF history and i don’t know
how i am when it comes to a relationship, but i hope i wont be a fucking
loser like her past 2 boyfriends. but i guess now I’m just getting
ahead of myself cause who knows if she would even say yes? she might be
like eww fuck off fatty, and then i would be like I’m trying to lose the
weight haha but no i don’t know if she would even say yes i mean sadly
we don’t really talk, i mean i would like to change that haha hence the
whole asking her out, but i mean we haven’t talked as much as we used to
back in the day before she had her first boyfriend, like then we were
best friends hell we used to play random weird games at work when we
should have been working haha and sad part was that was also the last
time i actually saw her happy since she had her 2 shitty BF it seems
like they sucked her fun away, but then again maybe things have changed
since i got fired so i don’t know i don’t go to wal-mart that much to
see so who knows maybe she is back to that?………….. wow ok i have gone on
for a long time i guess i will stop letting this shit off my chest and
go to bed and probably just lay there all night thinking about stupid
shit. ok im done take care
