Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
i dont know if anyone reads this?
ok so i dont know if anyone reads these things or even comes to this site but i just want to get something off my chest.
so i had sex the other day and it had been a while, and as i was doing it i was realizing that i didn't care for it maybe cause it was i dont care for this person? or maybe im just asexual? i dont know but i decided today that i am going to not have sex again until im in love, so basically im abstinence and in some way that make me feel weird cause i used to like sex and all that but it seems lately i dont care, does it just mean i wore myself out of it? i dont know but i just felt like talking about this cause im shocked, i mean i still love woman it not like im gay haha cause im not attracted to men at all.
Hell there is one girl that i really like but im to afraid to do anything cause she was in a relationship and something bad happened and i dont want to be one of those guys that try to pick up on someone who is in a heart break, and it sucks cause were pretty good friends and the last time i saw her we were pretty close the whole night, but i didn't do nothing or well i couldn't all i could do was be my dumbass self haha, but one of my fears is that i wont be able to bring her happiness cause its not like im the most happiest person in the world, hell im trying to figure out what im gonna do cause i feel as if im wasting my life now, and i dont wont to just follow a dream that might never take me anywhere i want to be able to live and i dont wont to also have to depend on my mom or her bf for help or a place to live.
So im actually thinking about leaving California maybe go stay at my grandmas for a bit try to find 2 jobs and get my own place out in Arkansas but i feel as it's not the best decision and that it is the best cause one i will almost be free as if i can get a job and a place i will be on my own for the first time in my life, and thats also scary i have never been on my own well longer then like a week, i think it would be something like a stepping stone but i feel that i might get myself killed cause i can barley take care of myself now living with my mom, what the hell would happen to me living alone.
haha so this is some stuff that i think about lately. oh well i ranted enough i will stop,
oh one thing i will be working on a new video soon if anyone cares i didn't have time this week since i was trying to do stuff and ya so hope i can do something soon, plus i still haven't had any solid ideas for videos too which sucks haha
-jon
so i had sex the other day and it had been a while, and as i was doing it i was realizing that i didn't care for it maybe cause it was i dont care for this person? or maybe im just asexual? i dont know but i decided today that i am going to not have sex again until im in love, so basically im abstinence and in some way that make me feel weird cause i used to like sex and all that but it seems lately i dont care, does it just mean i wore myself out of it? i dont know but i just felt like talking about this cause im shocked, i mean i still love woman it not like im gay haha cause im not attracted to men at all.
Hell there is one girl that i really like but im to afraid to do anything cause she was in a relationship and something bad happened and i dont want to be one of those guys that try to pick up on someone who is in a heart break, and it sucks cause were pretty good friends and the last time i saw her we were pretty close the whole night, but i didn't do nothing or well i couldn't all i could do was be my dumbass self haha, but one of my fears is that i wont be able to bring her happiness cause its not like im the most happiest person in the world, hell im trying to figure out what im gonna do cause i feel as if im wasting my life now, and i dont wont to just follow a dream that might never take me anywhere i want to be able to live and i dont wont to also have to depend on my mom or her bf for help or a place to live.
So im actually thinking about leaving California maybe go stay at my grandmas for a bit try to find 2 jobs and get my own place out in Arkansas but i feel as it's not the best decision and that it is the best cause one i will almost be free as if i can get a job and a place i will be on my own for the first time in my life, and thats also scary i have never been on my own well longer then like a week, i think it would be something like a stepping stone but i feel that i might get myself killed cause i can barley take care of myself now living with my mom, what the hell would happen to me living alone.
haha so this is some stuff that i think about lately. oh well i ranted enough i will stop,
oh one thing i will be working on a new video soon if anyone cares i didn't have time this week since i was trying to do stuff and ya so hope i can do something soon, plus i still haven't had any solid ideas for videos too which sucks haha
-jon
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
ahh man!!!
ok so i decided that i will stop shaving my head so that i can grow my hair out for an upcoming movie im gonna do and man do i already regret making this decision i want to just say fuck it and shave my head haha and the sad part is its not even long its still short as all hell but i hate it im thinking about making a bet where someone can win some money or a gift card for who guesses what day i decided to flip out and shave my head again haha. Well lets hope i can do this and hey maybe my hair will be normal again haha and i will be like ya i like having hair again hahaha
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