Friday, July 27, 2012

A long winded rant that no one will read

JUST A NOTE THIS IS A LONG WINDED RANT FROM MY HEART THAT REALLY IS NOT MEANT FOR ANYONE BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD PUT IT OUT THERE SO THAT MAYBE PEOPLE MIGHT LAUGH AT MY MISFORTUNE OR LOSERNESS AND ALSO TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST, SO ENJOY IF YOU ACTUALLY CARE TO READ THIS BULLSHIT

eww man sometimes i hate who i am i wish i could be better but im not haha and it sucks for the first time in my life I’m actually  thinking about asking someone out but i am second guessing myself saying oh your a piece of shit jobless bum you shouldn’t even ask her out or try to do anything like that. and in a way that part of me is right, its like what the fuck do i have to offer her? i have nothing. i have a few grand saved away for my desperate time that i am in cause no one will call me for a job interview that is slowly going away within a few months im gonna be completely broke, so what the fuck gives me the right to go to this girl and be like hey i like you and have for a while but just realized it now and was wondering if you would like to go out sometime soon, whether it be a traditional boring dinner and a movie or maybe something different like laying on a hilltop with a picnic basket of dinner or snacks and watch the world pass us by, by looking at the stars. i would probably be happy just taking a walk in the park getting to know each other better and if I’m fucking lucky possibly just holding her hand cause you know what i can be fucking romantic (no clue if that would be romantic but i thought i would put that cause i have never been in a relationship in my life well not a real one and so i would think holding hands is a big step haha i think i would enjoy that more then having sex is that weird?) but anyways ya i feel like a piece of shit and i guess I’m just afraid to ask her out? and also if say i did get the balls to ask her out and we do go out i hope i don’t fucking ruin her life cause she hasn’t had the best BF history and i don’t know how i am when it comes to a relationship, but i hope i wont be a fucking loser like her past 2 boyfriends. but i guess now I’m just getting ahead of myself cause who knows if she would even say yes? she might be like eww fuck off fatty, and then i would be like I’m trying to lose the weight haha but no i don’t know if she would even say yes i mean sadly we don’t really talk, i mean i would like to change that haha hence the whole asking her out, but i mean we haven’t talked as much as we used to back in the day before she had her first boyfriend, like then we were best friends hell we used to play random weird games at work when we should have been working haha and sad part was that was also the last time i actually saw her happy since she had her 2 shitty BF it seems like they sucked her fun away, but then again maybe things have changed since i got fired so i don’t know i don’t go to wal-mart that much to see so who knows maybe she is back to that?………….. wow ok i have gone on for a long time i guess i will stop letting this shit off my chest and go to bed and probably just lay there all night thinking about stupid shit. ok im done take care